Anxiety.

I feel as though I'm prone to anxiety. At my current job, especially in the winter I accumulate tons of anxiety. I've never knew what it was like to mentally freak out so much, that I stopped myself from breathing. which sounds terrible, but when it occurs I still have a dreadful sense of humor. One time, I got out of work, I kept myself from crying in till I walked out of the doors. The entire weekend i was a mess, crying just because of how depressed I was, I even skipped school on monday because Sunday night at 2 a.m. I couldn't walk up the stairs without bawling my eyes out. my lovely boyfriend tried to help me, but I was still so sad... I still have this job and I'm not looking forward to this busy season.

Last Friday I had a football game to perform at for color guard, and I knew I had taken Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday off. I didn't bother calling in to see if I worked, because I knew I took it off. Fifteen minutes before I performed, I saw Michael. He told me he was going to work and I was suppose to be working. I was so upset with myself, but i heard from my other co-workers that they weren't even busy, and it was fine i calmed down. I called in later that night to see about Saturday and Sunday, and to set up next weeks schedule. My manager told me they might consider it as "No call, no show" which then I supposedly will be fired.

I been working there for more than a year without being late once, calling a day off, or getting a official break. I earn minimum wage and I put my heart and soul on the line. I take initiative to make that a better place, and to be a better hostess. To know that they'd even consider me for a second as on firing ground hurts me more than I can explain. Just the thought makes my eyes water.

Oh well. I need to get a better job that deserves me as soon as possible.


-I'm going to try to submit some resumes now.